Beyond Intractability: A Free Knowledge Base on More Constructive Approaches to Destructive Conflict

Introduction: Nancy Farrell, private mediator and trainer, talks about the way in which people tend to devalue differences. When there is disagreement, we tend to think that we are right and to discount those with opposing views.

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Differences
Nancy Ferrell
Private mediator and trainer

Interviewed by
Julian Portilla
2003

My feeling is that the standard psychology is, if you differ with me, one of us is wrong, and it's not me, so I've got to either dismiss you, convince you of my perspective, or move away from you. As a general culture we haven't taught people to say, "Help me understand who you are. Let me help you understand who I am and let's see if we can value that, rather than devalue it." So differences have been devalued. If I differ with you then in order for me to feel okay still about myself I've got to devalue you or convince you I'm right, one or the other.

If it's natural to kill, how come men have to go into training to learn how? -- Joan Baez

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